Mary [00:00:00]:
Okay.
Eleanor Prisco [00:00:00]:
Woohoo.
Mary [00:00:01]:
I'm so excited. Welcome back to another episode of the you can Call me bossy podcast. Another interview with an amazing badass woman who I am so excited to talk to today because we are going to talk about money. Money, honey. My friend Eleanor is here and we met in a mastermind and our mastermind. And I wanted to have you on Eleanor, because I love how you talk about money. I am on a mission to help women own their power around money. To be unafraid of wanting money, to be unafraid of saying that they want money.
Mary [00:00:39]:
To say it out loud, to be proud of it, because there's nothing wrong with it, and because men are unashamed about wanting money. And so I would just love. Oh, God. I'm just really excited about this conversation. We actually, we may have to do a second show depending on where we go here, because we just spent the first 15 minutes of our hour talking about other things just because I. I just really love you and your vibe and everything you're about. So tell everybody who you are and what you do and why you do it.
Eleanor Prisco [00:01:12]:
Yeah. So I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for having me. I'm Eleanor Priscoe and I work as a money and mindset coach for women. So when people hear, oh, money and mindset, like, they forget, I think sometimes that it's two separate things. It's like money and mindset. So I'm talking about the strategy of financial management and the mindset to, like, back it up. Right.
Eleanor Prisco [00:01:34]:
And growing your wealth and growing your legacy and creating financial security and stability for yourself. And in doing that, my deepest, deepest desire is for women to be financially empowered individuals. And I think that when we have financial power, we have choice.
Mary [00:01:57]:
Yes.
Eleanor Prisco [00:01:57]:
Which I think is deeply, deeply important. And it's not something that we have had access to historically for a long time. And I am so about also interrupting this financial industry pattern that is driven by. By shame and guilt. Right. Like, that is how we get things done, but in fact, that's not how you get things done sustainably. And for financial security to be built long term and be something that supports you like, and is unshakable. And so a lot of it comes back to, like, building trust, understanding.
Eleanor Prisco [00:02:37]:
This can be through ease, this can be through pleasure. This is all new skills to learn. And it's not being driven by shame or guilt. It's like we're throwing that out the window and finding new ways of developing financial security, financial power, more financial strategy. And there's a Whole aspect of mindset to back that up.
Mary [00:02:56]:
Okay, well, before I tell you that, I'm gonna. I told you the first question, but now I'm changing it.
Eleanor Prisco [00:03:01]:
Okay.
Mary [00:03:03]:
So. But I actually would love. Before we get into it, I would love for you to talk about money mindset, like, the mindset you have around money. Because I will never forget the day that somebody said to me, money is so much more than just the number in your bank account and then the amount of cash that you have access to. And I was like, what do you mean by that? So then it was like, there's a whole way we think about money, what we believe about money, how we see money, the stories we tell ourselves about money. Can you talk about that? And was that what got you into talking about money? Like, how did you get into this world of wanting to talk about money? Because it is, like, I don't know, it's. It's pretty triggering for a lot of people.
Eleanor Prisco [00:03:53]:
Yeah. And I think it's also a space where not a lot of women exist. I think. I think in recent years, we've seen a lot more women working in finance and coming up on social media, being voices around finance, which is super, super exciting. And I'm in, like, full, full support of it. I'm not one of those things of like, oh, my gosh, limit, like, you know, scarcity and competition and et cetera, et cetera. It's like, no, like, we need more women's voices in finance. Like, this is an important, critical thing.
Eleanor Prisco [00:04:20]:
So, like, that's number one, is like, I think getting into finance there as a woman, it's a little challenging because when I started this, there weren't many other women talking about finances. And then even when I did speak to men about the fact that I was working in finances, there was this kind of like, oh, you're talking about household finances, like, not actual finances. Because there's this separation of. Okay, we're talking about budgeting and also, like, small business finances. As an entrepreneur. Right. So sole suppri. Sole proprietor or single member llc.
Eleanor Prisco [00:05:01]:
But then they're talking about investment banking. Right. And that's finance.
Mary [00:05:08]:
But all the.
Eleanor Prisco [00:05:09]:
And this comes back to your thing of, like, money actually is all of those things. And so you have, I think, a really. I'm jumping around here, but I want to touch on all your questions.
Mary [00:05:20]:
Yeah.
Eleanor Prisco [00:05:21]:
So. So how do I think about money? I'll answer that, and then I'll answer how I got into this. So how I think about money, I think a very important thing for People to realize is. Is people think like, oh, I think one way about money. Right. They. They think it's one topic of money, but in fact, you have a different relationship with every single aspect of money. And so if you start to take a look and think of it separately as like, oh, income is one type of money.
Eleanor Prisco [00:05:51]:
And you probably relate differently to income. You probably feel very good about having income, but when you suddenly veer on the side of having more than others, more than enough being rich. Right.
Mary [00:06:04]:
I'm getting chills.
Eleanor Prisco [00:06:05]:
You suddenly start feeling very differently. Right?
Mary [00:06:07]:
Yes.
Eleanor Prisco [00:06:08]:
Or does it suddenly switch as well when you start saying wealth instead of rich? Right. And so we need to start identifying what are our own money stories and experiences with these different categories of money. And I want to list a few. But then also, what happens when we start changing the language we use with specific types of money? So, like, that's just a mindset aspect and some categories to think through. Right. Would be income, spending, savings, investing, retirement. Because investing can be very different than retirement. I've had whole conversations with clients who are like, I don't have enough invested.
Eleanor Prisco [00:06:45]:
I'm like, we've maxed out all versions of possible retirement for you. What do you. What do you define as investment? And there is like this. Well, stock markets. And it's like, okay, well, do you mean like stock markets or do you mean like bonds? Right. Or do you mean, you know, So I think there's. It's very important for folks when they're starting their own money journey or wherever you're at in your money journey, to start reflecting on seeing different types of money that exist and in your life and the fact that you relate to each of them differently. And so you might be actually on total lock with your savings.
Eleanor Prisco [00:07:21]:
You might be someone who, like, previously you were shaming and guilting yourself for squirreling it away, never spending money on yourself, because you totally flip that and be willing to be like, I'm a badass when it comes to savings, and this is incredible. And I just need a little bit of, you know, work in my spending area, and that's what I want to work on. But, like, I shouldn't shame myself for the fact that I'm really good at saving. So I think that's one aspect of, like, how to think about money differently rather than kind of lumping it all together and being like, you're bad with money, which I think a lot of women hear all the time. And it's very frustrating to me.
Mary [00:07:59]:
Yeah. Yep. Yep.
Eleanor Prisco [00:08:01]:
How I got into this Work, which is a good segue from hearing that you're bad with money, is. So I grew up in, like, financially challenging upbringing. You know, my parents had jobs, and they were hard workers, but it just seemed like ends never met. And so it was like, there was always this challenge of finances and, like, growing up honestly really hating money, but somehow deeply, deeply desiring a lot of it.
Mary [00:08:32]:
Yeah.
Eleanor Prisco [00:08:33]:
Because it was like, oh, money is the solution. It's the thing that's going to fix all this, which I do do truly believe, that when we do, again, have financial power, when we have access to finances, it completely changes our lived experience. And so I think growing up that way, I became really, really interested in learning how to manage my finances and being able to not have money be this thing that always held me back. And so I was like, okay, well, I'm going to figure this out. Like, this is just a problem to solve. Like, this is just something to figure out. And after graduating college, and I was like, I served in AmeriCorps, which, if you're familiar with it, it's kind of like a domestic Peace Corps, and you get a very small stipend. And so I had to learn how to live off very little money, where, like, they actually, in this program, you go on food stamps, you go on public services, and go through the process of applying for that.
Eleanor Prisco [00:09:38]:
Some people that do this, it's like they may have, you know, family members that are supporting them through this. This. That was not the case for me. I was truly living off of a stipend of $1,200 and figuring out how to live in a city, because I was located and based in Washington, D.C. and so I was like, okay, I'm gonna make this work. I'm gonna figure this out. I really am deeply passionate about the work that I was doing and the impact I was having in schools. And then after that, I went into nonprofit work, and I was very adamant that finances were not gonna be the reason why I didn't get to do the things that I was deeply passionate about or valued, which for me was food.
Eleanor Prisco [00:10:21]:
And both these things are also huge things that the current financial industry likes to shame and guilt us for. Of, like, you're going out, you don't.
Mary [00:10:31]:
Need to travel, you don't need. You don't need to go to that nice dinner.
Eleanor Prisco [00:10:35]:
Exactly. And so I've. I figured out, like, a lot of hacks, but I also found, like, okay, like, managing my money specific ways, and, like, also picking up, like, side jobs, doing things, and pretty much Honoring traveling and, like, going on international travel trips still, like, going out to nice meals, enjoying myself, like, living my life. And my friends started just kind of being like, how do you not have credit card debt? Like, how, like, how are. We're working in both in nonprofit. We're working at the same organization. And, like, how are you living the way that you do? And, like, you don't seem to be stressed about money. Right.
Eleanor Prisco [00:11:14]:
This is, like, conversations that haven't come up. And so I ended up helping my friends get out of credit card debt by, like, following, like, budgets that I had created in Google sheets and, like, like, just talking to them about money in different ways and, like, honestly teaching them things that they just had never learned, which is normal, because where in our education system is finances taught?
Mary [00:11:37]:
Right.
Eleanor Prisco [00:11:38]:
So nowhere. Exactly. I started liking that more than my job.
Mary [00:11:42]:
No. And you. Yeah.
Eleanor Prisco [00:11:45]:
And so then I, like, was like, okay, how do I turn this into a business? How do I, like, have people hire me to help them do this and, like, achieve this, like, financial security and trust within themselves that they have never known and, like, create new realities in how they relate to money?
Mary [00:12:05]:
Yeah. I love it. And, you know, the first time that somebody was like, how are you thinking about money? You need to pay attention to, like, you said, the relationship. I like to tell my clients, it's like, money is a human.
Eleanor Prisco [00:12:19]:
Yeah. You have a relationship with money. You.
Mary [00:12:21]:
It's an energy, just like you and me. And I really, when I thought of that, I don't know if I read that in a book or if it was just a realization that I had. It must. You know what? It might have been a Jen Sincero, you are a badass at making money. And when I was like, if I was in a relationship with money, it would be the most toxic relationship on the planet, and I would be the problem because it was always like, why are you not here? When you're here, I spend you like nobody's business, and I'm not paying attention. Then I'm mad that you're gone. Then I can't figure out where you went. And then.
Mary [00:13:00]:
And you're like, hey, man, I'm here. And then you push me away, and then you send me on these errands, and you don't even know where you're sending me. I keep showing up in your bank account every other week, like we agreed, but you keep, like, abusing me and using me and then not being grateful for me. And you were saying that, like, our education system, besides, like, the tactical stuff of, like, how the budgeting and where you should spend. The bigger thing that I always talk about is, like, your only mindset education is from your parents, probably, or your. The adults in your life or the community that you grow up. And. And one of the things you're talking about food, and I'm like, my mother talks about restaurants with how expensive they are.
Eleanor Prisco [00:13:48]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:13:48]:
She's like, oh, that restaurant over there. The. The people down the street, they go to that restaurant, but it's very expensive, so she won't even consider it. And she'll go to other restaurants that are not as expensive and not as good. Right. Because it's not as expensive. And so she's settling for the. The meal that's not as good because it's not as expensive.
Mary [00:14:09]:
And. But that's just like, she has a certain mindset, and it's. And I didn't even realize that that's the mindset she had. She always has money for a sale.
Eleanor Prisco [00:14:20]:
Mm.
Mary [00:14:21]:
Always has money to buy stuff at the Goodwill or, like, the secondhand stores, even if we don't need it.
Eleanor Prisco [00:14:28]:
Mm.
Mary [00:14:29]:
I'll never forget there was a day that I was going through the attic, and I picked up this bag, and I was like, what's in here? And she's like, oh, put that with your dollhouse. St. My dollhouse that my dad had built and we were holding on to. But anybody who has a dollhouse knows that you have to get items that fit into that are the right size for that dollhouse. She went to the secondhand store, found all this dollhouse. Whether or not it actually fit in the dollhouse, she bought it, and I picked it up, and I went, how much money did you spend? And she's like, I don't know. Maybe just like 20, $25. And I was like, next time I want you to take that money, put it in an envelope for me, and I will find a better way to utilize that money.
Eleanor Prisco [00:15:15]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:15:16]:
But that's all.
Eleanor Prisco [00:15:17]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:15:18]:
Mindset. Because the next thing that comes out of her mouth is, I don't have any money.
Eleanor Prisco [00:15:22]:
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
Mary [00:15:25]:
So, yeah, that's okay. So let's get back to the question that I originally wanted to ask you, which was, what did you think? When. When about this. But the name of this podcast. And when I was like, I want to talk about money in relation to the idea of the labeling of the bossiness, the labeling of the too muchness, the labeling of the too driven, the label, the labeling that we as women get in relation to money.
Eleanor Prisco [00:15:54]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:15:55]:
Before I say Too much. Okay, yeah, go ahead.
Eleanor Prisco [00:15:57]:
Go ahead.
Mary [00:15:58]:
Yeah, go for it.
Eleanor Prisco [00:16:00]:
I was so excited, like, because I feel like this is a conversation I've had time and time again with clients, with women in my group programs. Because when you're labeled bossy or being the boss, especially if you're on the journey of entrepreneurship and you start to grow to the point where you have a team member and you're like, oh, well, I don't want to be, like, too bossy or like, too, you know, like, demanding, you know, and it's like, well.
Mary [00:16:30]:
Or too difficult. It's like all the Ds. Too difficult. Too demanding, too direct.
Eleanor Prisco [00:16:36]:
Yeah, it's like, I think, I think. And I think it doesn't just play out on the business side. It plays out, I think, for any woman. And I want to give some really specific examples when it comes to our relationship with money. Because when you then notice, it's suddenly like, oh, shit. It's like, when you have ever heard. Have you ever heard the thing of, like, you do notice that, like, women apologize more than men. And then you suddenly start thinking about how often you're apologizing and you try and catch yourself or like, someone who's like, have you ever done that? Like, read that experiment of, like, women walking on the side of the sidewalk and they're on the designated right side of the sidewalk, you know, the correct side that we kind of all walk in these particular ways.
Eleanor Prisco [00:17:17]:
And then, but there's a man coming and like, then he won't move, but the woman will move out of the way. And even though you're on the designated kind, society accepted correct side of the sidewalk, and how many times are you willing to get, like, run into. And yeah, when it comes to, like, being bossy or being perceived as bossy or too loud or too much. Right. I think you bring up such good points. Like, the demanding and difficult are so big because when you talk about just your regular everyday spending, if you received a coffee, you go out and you get a coffee, and it's not right. Are you gonna say something?
Mary [00:17:57]:
Right? I don't. I don't wanna be. Yeah, it's true.
Eleanor Prisco [00:18:04]:
Yeah, it's true.
Mary [00:18:06]:
Because.
Eleanor Prisco [00:18:06]:
Because it's like, oh, I'm gonna have to go up to this person and be like, hey, this isn't right. Like, I ordered something. This isn't right. I don't like it. And either you wanna order something different or you just want them to remake it to the way where it. It tastes, the way that you've had it before, and it's very good. And right now, this ain't it.
Mary [00:18:27]:
And you're probably paying money for a very specific drink. And the fact that we're like, oh, it's just too much. I don't want to do it.
Eleanor Prisco [00:18:34]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:18:35]:
Which is where I go. I'm like, that's energy. I don't feel like spending right now.
Eleanor Prisco [00:18:40]:
Right.
Mary [00:18:40]:
It's like, why not?
Eleanor Prisco [00:18:42]:
Yeah, exactly.
Mary [00:18:43]:
I think I have permission to do that.
Eleanor Prisco [00:18:45]:
Permission to do that. But then this also comes back to your relationship with money. Like, are you willing to advocate for your money?
Mary [00:18:52]:
That's right.
Eleanor Prisco [00:18:54]:
Like, even when you, like, receipt. When you go to a store and you didn't try on that top and then you get home and you try it on and you're like, yeah, it's not what I thought. Are you going to go and do the return? Or like, even, like, this is something for Costco, which is like one of my friends, which we always laugh about this because Costco has, like, an incredible return policy where, like, you can open a food, and if you didn't like it, you could return it.
Mary [00:19:16]:
I think Trader Joe's has that.
Eleanor Prisco [00:19:18]:
Trader Joe's has that as well. Yeah. And actually a lot of grocery stores do. It's just Costco and Trader Joe's are the ones that promote it.
Mary [00:19:25]:
Wow. Yeah.
Eleanor Prisco [00:19:27]:
And so it's like, if you open something, you try it, and it's not to your satisfaction. And all of these food companies have satisfaction guaranteed.
Mary [00:19:36]:
Yeah.
Eleanor Prisco [00:19:37]:
Technically, you can walk back and return that.
Mary [00:19:41]:
Do you know what's so. Okay, so this is what's coming up. My mother is the queen of doing this. She will. She will walk up to somebody and whatever. But it's so interesting because I'm certain as I'm talking on her behalf, it's not because she honors her money. It's because she believes she has a lack mentality around the money. So that's even.
Mary [00:20:06]:
Just. That example is such a great test for you. Like, listener, if you're hearing me, what is like your. If you're talking about returning something because it wasn't right or it's not what you want and you get that money in return, what's your mindset behind. What's the intention behind getting that? Because my mother is like, that's my money. I'm owed, blah, blah, blah. Even if it's $8. Right.
Mary [00:20:36]:
And so she'll go through. Jump through the hoops. D. Yeah. But it's not coming from a place of that money is if that's a Human being in the wrong place.
Eleanor Prisco [00:20:49]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:20:50]:
Right. Because it's kind of like I like to cut. One of the things I talk about is that money never leaves you. It's now like this water bottle is now represents the $20 that I spent to get it. So the money is now with wherever I bought it from, but this is my $20 that's right here. So if you think about it, it's like the mindset is. Is the $20 in the right place? Is it right that the $20 is here with this water bottle rather than in my savings account or whatever? And it's just like, I'm blowing my own mind having this conversation.
Eleanor Prisco [00:21:26]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:21:27]:
Because I wouldn't put that. I'm like, do I want to jump through the hoops to get my money back? And it's like, oh, well, if I want to honor that money.
Eleanor Prisco [00:21:34]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:21:35]:
And make sure it's in the right place.
Eleanor Prisco [00:21:37]:
Yeah. And like, I think. I think it's also a framing of returns or like, for instance, canceling unused subscriptions. Right. It's. It's just like reclaiming money back into your account.
Mary [00:21:49]:
Yeah. And I think the conversation of the energy leak, too, right?
Eleanor Prisco [00:21:52]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:21:53]:
Like, where is that money leaking? Yeah, it's leaking.
Eleanor Prisco [00:21:56]:
Yeah, exactly. Because, like, if you are spending money, like, for instance, and this isn't to, like, shame or guilt anyone. Right. But, like, if you have a number of clothing items that you've purchased, you've never worn because you never tried them on in the store, or like, you didn't go through the process of returning, it's like, how does it actually feel to have those, like, all those shirts with their tags on, like, in your space? It probably feels really fudgeing, annoying. And you're like, then frustrated with how you've been behaving with your money.
Mary [00:22:24]:
Yeah.
Eleanor Prisco [00:22:24]:
Right.
Mary [00:22:25]:
And so if you let yourself go there to have that conversation. Right. Because I think that a lot of women will just be like, I'm just gonna blinders on and pretend that that's not actually an issue. But when we're talking about owning your power around money, you are going to have to have those uncomfortable conversations with yourself to look at the items that are in, just as a metaphor, the items in your closet that still have the tags on that you're to pay attention and be like, how does that make you feel? Oh, well, not so great. The money's in the wrong place.
Eleanor Prisco [00:23:01]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:23:02]:
Great. Then the awareness is all. Is the beginning.
Eleanor Prisco [00:23:07]:
Yeah. And like, the same goes for when you're at a restaurant, when you're at a cafe and, like, sending something back that you're going to consume. Right? Because it's like, it just comes down to, like, thinking through, like, okay, I'm at this restaurant, and, like, I actually really don't like this, and I want to provide some, like. Like, really good examples that. Where I've been, like, surprised and delighted by the fact that I was willing to speak up for myself. And it's. But it feels uncomfortable, like, even myself, right? And I've been doing this for years, right? And I'm even the one. Like, when I'm with my family, I'm the one.
Eleanor Prisco [00:23:42]:
If anyone's dish is not good, I'm the one that needs to say something. Like, I'm nominated. It's like, you attribute, like, advocate for all of us.
Mary [00:23:50]:
Yeah.
Eleanor Prisco [00:23:51]:
And so. But when I have, like, gone out and I went to this restaurant purely because it was a restaurant I really like down here in D.C. and they have these, like, it's a seasonal item. I saw it pop up on their Instagram. It was squash blossoms. It's like Crab Rangoon squash blossoms. They're, like, incredible. They're so good.
Mary [00:24:12]:
Yeah, that's really good.
Eleanor Prisco [00:24:14]:
And they're only, like, a limited time in the fall, you know, because that's when squash blossoms exist. And so, like, I was, like, so excited. I literally was just gonna order this appetizer and, like, dip, you know, but it's, like, kind of a fancier place, and the guy is talking up one of their main entree dishes. And. And I was like, I don't know. And he's like, no, it's like, the best gnocchi you'll ever have. And I was like, I don't know. I'm kind of picky when it comes to Nioki.
Eleanor Prisco [00:24:40]:
Like, yeah, I don't know, man. And he's like, no, no, no. And I was like, okay, I guess I'll do it. Because, like, I'd gotten talked into it. Great staff. It's amazing food. I got it, and I didn't like it, you know? And, like, I had a couple bites, and I was like. He's like, so, what do you think? And I was like, honestly, Like, I wasn't that impressed.
Eleanor Prisco [00:24:59]:
Like, it wasn't that good. Like, but the. Like, I appreciate, you know, you advocating about it, and, like, it seems so good, but, like, I wasn't necessarily looking for, like, a new item, like, or anything, but I. But I was willing to say to him, honestly, I didn't like it. And then to be surprised and delighted. I then, like, order a dessert, and I end up receiving two desserts. Like, two full desserts. And then I get the bill, and they've taken everything off the bill except the appetizer.
Mary [00:25:31]:
Wow.
Eleanor Prisco [00:25:33]:
Because he was like. He was like, I'm really sorry.
Mary [00:25:35]:
Service. Yeah.
Eleanor Prisco [00:25:36]:
He's like, I'm really sorry that I, like, led you astray.
Mary [00:25:40]:
Yeah.
Eleanor Prisco [00:25:40]:
Like, you know, but. But that's to say, right. You could be surprised and delighted by willing to.
Mary [00:25:48]:
What happens when you see it for yourself? Right.
Eleanor Prisco [00:25:51]:
When you just choose.
Mary [00:25:52]:
That's such a demanding. I need to write that down. You could be surprised and delighted. What if you were always surprised and delighted?
Eleanor Prisco [00:25:58]:
Right.
Mary [00:25:59]:
The moments when you stood up for yourself.
Eleanor Prisco [00:26:01]:
Exactly.
Mary [00:26:01]:
You didn't worry about being too much or too difficult.
Eleanor Prisco [00:26:04]:
Yeah. And, like, this has happened, like, a couple times, like, at certain coffee shops. Like, I've been like, oh, hey, can you remake this? Like, it's not exactly right. And they're like, oh, absolutely. And we're really sorry about that. Here's a card for a free coffee on us next time. Like, I think that. And this.
Eleanor Prisco [00:26:20]:
This isn't to be like. I just think it's, like, it's a. It's a good, like, muscle to practice. And I've had this happen, like, time and time again where it's like, every single time I feel that resistance. I work through the resistance to, like, advocate for my money, to get the money in the right place. Right. Using the language that you're talking about and feel the, like, excitement of where my money is going, you know, which, again, is that spending category of money. And then be, like, receiving back.
Eleanor Prisco [00:26:55]:
Just surprise and delight of being met, you know, in such a wonderful way.
Mary [00:27:00]:
Well, on that note, one of the things that I want to mention in case this is an aha for anybody else is just that, again, money is energy.
Eleanor Prisco [00:27:09]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:27:10]:
Money just started as an exchange of goods. It was a cow for two sheep. Right. And then all of a sudden, people didn't have the cow anymore, but they still needed the two sheep. So they started this thing called gold, and they used gold to give people to other people for the sheep. So it's just an exchange of money for the goods. And so there's an energetic. But what if the person was like, two sheep? That gold.
Mary [00:27:41]:
That gold is only worth one sheep.
Eleanor Prisco [00:27:43]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:27:44]:
I'm telling you that. But the person down the road is going to say, sure, I'll give you two sheep. Then we have the energetic hold of the value that we put on all of these things.
Eleanor Prisco [00:27:55]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:27:56]:
And so when you talk about, like, I really like the idea of thinking about where my money is going. That is an energetic stream. That. And when I teach money mindset, very basically, it's like there's. There is a cycle here.
Eleanor Prisco [00:28:12]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:28:13]:
It's like the. It's like the universal law of giving and receiving. Right. That's. Money is part of that cycle. That there is, like you. There is a cycle that you cannot block. You earn, you spend, you can save and invest, but there, you got to keep that cycle going in order.
Mary [00:28:33]:
You can't block it. And so sometimes when you were talking earlier, and I'm actually interested to hear if you agree with this, when we're. When we're shaming ourselves or like, even shaming ourselves for holding on to money and savings or not having enough. Yeah, both of those are a block.
Eleanor Prisco [00:28:49]:
Yeah, absolutely.
Mary [00:28:50]:
And we're blocking the cycle. Right. Because maybe the, like, really take a look at what the savings situation is. Maybe you don't have the number in savings because you're actually investing in yourself so that you can have bigger income so that you can put more money in savings. Right. So there's this cycle that you get to look at. And if you're blocking yourself in any of those places. And I also include, like, working for a job that doesn't align.
Eleanor Prisco [00:29:18]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:29:19]:
As also a block, then we are keeping. We're holding ourselves back from that ultimate wealth conversation. What do you think about that?
Eleanor Prisco [00:29:32]:
Yeah, I think that we can develop a lot of blocks in regard to shame. And I think, like, the fastest way to, like, start to, like, like, disentangle from it, is asking yourself, like, where does this come from? Right. Because it's. And. And doing it from a neutral space. Because then the really challenging thing that can happen, I've seen, is like, we're shaming ourselves about not having enough in savings. Let's use that as the thread. Right.
Eleanor Prisco [00:30:03]:
And so then we catch ourselves shaming ourselves, and then we start shaming ourselves for shaming ourselves. Right. And so then we're like, in like a. Like just a real tight shame spiral of like, oh, like, I should be better than this. And then we just, like, restart again. And the very interesting thing that actually happens here, I think when we're caught in a shame or guilt spiral, because those two things are, like, different guilt, but shame. Yeah, they're very. But they're very, like, close because it's like.
Eleanor Prisco [00:30:33]:
And I want to talk about how they're specifically different and related to money. So guilt is. You are doing Something wrong with your money. Okay. Where shame is like, no, I'm up. And there's no way that I could ever do anything right with my money. So, like, it's like shame is more like internal. Where guilt is more like I'm making.
Mary [00:31:01]:
The wrong choices based on what other people.
Eleanor Prisco [00:31:04]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:31:05]:
Say I should.
Eleanor Prisco [00:31:06]:
Right. And what all of it is. Is externally motivated from, like, what you should or should not be doing with your money. And. But it's. It's. They're very. They tend to live in the same space, but they are actually different in how it plays out in someone's mindset when related to money, and also in just general, these two separate emotions.
Eleanor Prisco [00:31:33]:
But I'm saying. So, like, guilt is like, oh, I shouldn't have bought that top. Where shame will spiral into, oh, my gosh. Like, I'm so up. I can never get this right. I'm, like, just really bad with money. Why do I keep doing this? Like, I'm like. Like, I'm.
Eleanor Prisco [00:31:49]:
It's like an existential, like, I am going to this up. There's no possible way that I could possibly not. And they're a little different in, like, how to navigate them, because one of the, like, either way, though, a very helpful thing. And, like, kind of clicking ourselves out of this is asking yourself, where is that coming from? Because some of them can just be from, like, external ideas, but then also some of them can be rooted in. Oh, like, I see that this is the behavior that, like, my. One of my caregivers always did with money or generationally. This has been my, like, like heritage experience of money and finances. And, like, I'm.
Eleanor Prisco [00:32:35]:
What I'm talking about is navigating, like, generational paradigm shifting, which is the work that we do.
Mary [00:32:44]:
I do at the subconscious level.
Eleanor Prisco [00:32:46]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:32:46]:
With subconscious reprogramming. And so I think what I'm hearing you say is just that, like, the fastest path to a wealthy life is to do the work of looking at your stories and belief systems and programming around money. Because we can do and checklist and do all the right things, but if we have shame or guilt or certain belief systems around money, we'll always kind of get in our own way of that. So it's like yesterday I had a call with a woman who. And so this is going to lead me to my next question. Who just was so set on a belief system that she didn't need to make the money, and it was like pulling teeth to get her to just admit that she wanted to make money. And there was shame even Just in like, the conversation of her admitting that she wanted to have money. And so I.
Mary [00:33:57]:
The thing I want to say is, if you want to be wealthy. I hate that I'm about to say this, but it's like, you want to be wealthy like a man, you have to change your mindset to think like a man. Which men are not guilting themselves, not shaming themselves. They're not get having the guilt. They're being unapologetic about wanting money. And it's like the. The mindset, the way you think about money is going to impact your money reality, period. That's just the way life works, actually.
Mary [00:34:34]:
And it's like such a reflection of everything else in your life. Your weight, your relationships, your business. Everything comes down to how you think about it.
Eleanor Prisco [00:34:43]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:34:44]:
Because how you think about it creates your reality. And it's the same with money. And what I'm hearing you say is we have to look at things that we've never been willing to look at before, that our ancestors probably never looked at before, that the people who taught us the adult figures in our life didn't even know that they could look at this stuff. And I think it's really important to. Before we start going down, like, which I've done is like, what the fuck. Ancestors. They were doing the best they could with the information that they had. And now I have more information and I get to choose where I take it.
Mary [00:35:23]:
And if you're gonna. You get to choose, I'm going to look at this hard stuff, at these. Look at these conversations, look at the clothes in the closet that have the tags on it, et cetera, et cetera. Okay, so here's my question. When do you. I'm sure you have clients who come to you and say, oh, it doesn't even the matter. Money doesn't even matter. Or maybe you heard that in like, sales calls or whatever.
Mary [00:35:48]:
Like, I just want to do something that is of purpose. Money doesn't matter. What do you. What's your answer to that?
Eleanor Prisco [00:35:55]:
Yeah, so there, there's two things that I want to answer, so. Or one thing I want to comment on from before. So I do want to answer that question. And I want to say, like, if someone is struggling with like, like facing some of the mindset aspects, it's like permission that these are allowed to be parallel paths, like in the sense that you are allowed to focus on your money mindset, and you're allowed to start shifting and implementing new financial strategies.
Mary [00:36:23]:
Yeah.
Eleanor Prisco [00:36:24]:
Such as, like, if you don't feel ready to look at the clothes in the closet. That's okay. I would invite you into like just starting to have a neutral, consistent checking of your bank account or credit card. Like just be like, oh, what's happening here? And I do think that that's an important aspect because I think a lot of times I can see people being like, well, it's either this or this. You can't do both in the financial industry. It's either like you become hyper fixated on strategy or you just focus on mindset. And I do think an important aspect of creating like a sustainable long term new relationship is we do implement new strategies and behaviors with our money and like along with reflecting on our mindset. And that's like such an important like coming together of those two things.
Mary [00:37:21]:
Well, like I said, I mean my whole framework with my coaching is be to have.
Eleanor Prisco [00:37:26]:
It's.
Mary [00:37:26]:
You can't just be and then expect to manifest all of your results. There's aligned action that has to come in with that. So that's what I'm hearing from you is like there's got to be some action. The strategy is the action and. But the strategy gets to be aligned with who you want to be. Right. So if you. So if you're not ready to.
Mary [00:37:48]:
The beingness to the aligned action is also looking at the clothes with the, with the price tag. With the price tag still on it. But so what's the lighter, the easier, the more flow inflow thing for you right now that helps you be that person? And if it's just like I just want to be more financially aware of my situation, then maybe it is just that consistent neutral. And I love that. Neutral meaning whatever your number is, it's not good or bad, it's just information.
Eleanor Prisco [00:38:17]:
Exactly. Yeah.
Mary [00:38:19]:
And that can, that step consistently can lead to other steps that make you more comfortable.
Eleanor Prisco [00:38:26]:
Exactly, yeah. And so jumping back to your question of it not being about money, right. Or wanting to find purpose or the resistance in general, I think of like wanting to be someone that desires money. I think a really eye opening like moment for myself in my own money journey was when I realized how much like being rich had been like villainized like throughout my upbringing and how much like I desperately wanted us to have a lot of money or for myself to grow up and have a lot of money. But then I also like hated money because like it was the source of all problems. Right. The lack of it being there was the source of all problems. It felt like growing up.
Eleanor Prisco [00:39:24]:
And so I do think that one of the biggest challenges that women face is. And I think that. Okay, where do I want to start? I have, like, so many threats going out because there's, like, such an important topic to me. I personally believe that being wealthy in general becomes vilified, or being rich becomes vilified. Right. And, like, are you going to be a quote, unquote, good person if you have money? And I do think that there is a thread that exists in a lot of women because of the lack of financial security.
Mary [00:40:05]:
Historically.
Eleanor Prisco [00:40:06]:
Historically that women have had so, like. And what I mean by that is literal access to money and financial autonomy. So if you look historically, if we're talking about in the United states, you're looking. 1975 was the year when women could have bank accounts or credit cards without a male signature. If you start going.
Mary [00:40:26]:
Which blows my mind.
Eleanor Prisco [00:40:27]:
Yeah. Like, that's my mom.
Mary [00:40:29]:
Like, my mom growing up. And she got married in 75.
Eleanor Prisco [00:40:33]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:40:33]:
And only then.
Eleanor Prisco [00:40:35]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:40:36]:
Like, what did she do? Now that I think of it, what did she do with her money? She didn't have a dad. Her dad passed away when she was 13 years old. So how did she have. What is she. I have to ask her.
Eleanor Prisco [00:40:48]:
Yeah, like, interesting. Yeah. So it's like, when you really think about the actual, like, financial autonomy that women have had on a historic basis, the fear of, like, getting cast out, like, there's just, like, a lot of, like, historical threads when you start to, like, zoom out. I'm talking really historical, big picture, right. Of, like, women cast out from society were predominantly vilified as, like, witches, as. And then, like, persecuted in really negative ways, or people that were, you know, spinsters and then not accepted and like, like all of these things of kind of, like, being rejected by society and then the importance of you being accepted by society because it provided financial security and safety, like, literal physical safety. It makes sense when you think about it in that, like, larger zoom out of a picture of, like, oh, well, of course. That you would like to reject wanting money because money means that you could stand alone.
Eleanor Prisco [00:41:49]:
But you, like, historically, women have, like, it's a. It's very dangerous to stand alone because, like, when you do stand alone, you could be very easily persecuted. Like, so you start to, like, look at these, like, just kind of, like historical, like, threads that pull together. And then you're talking about the literal amount of historic time women have had the ability to practice financial independence. Like, it's such a new skill.
Mary [00:42:23]:
Yeah, that's right.
Eleanor Prisco [00:42:25]:
Like, that's right.
Mary [00:42:26]:
And, you know, I say, I'm my mother. Was totally part of the feminist movement. And yet she was from a very young age saying to me, mary Teresa, just make sure you marry somebody rich.
Eleanor Prisco [00:42:41]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:42:42]:
How did.
Eleanor Prisco [00:42:43]:
So financial security.
Mary [00:42:45]:
Right. And in my 30s, she was very concerned about the fact that I was still single. Yeah. And. But now she's kind of gotten over it. She's like, oh, I see that you can make your own money. But that was very scary for her to see that. To think that I wouldn't be able to financially take care of myself.
Mary [00:43:03]:
Yeah. And she is very much attached to the pension that my father earned and now he's not here anymore. But she still benefits from that because she. She just didn't have a life where she built her own career.
Eleanor Prisco [00:43:21]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:43:23]:
That had that kind of stuff. So, yeah, it's all relative. And we'll have to do more conversation on this another time because I think that it's really important. The other thing that blows my mind is women couldn't get a business loan until the 80s, early 80s. And so it's like, oh, no wonder. My mother was like, entrepreneurship isn't going to get you anywhere. Right. Because she just didn't know.
Mary [00:43:49]:
And this comes back to the people who taught you the stories, the programming they're do. They were doing the best they could with the information they had. But you don't have to live in those stories anymore. So allow yourself the opportunity to do the work, to look at that stuff because. And that's where it's like, you can call me too driven, you can call me too much. You can call me all these things. And that's probably because you're uncomfortable with how wealthy I'm about to get. Or I am.
Eleanor Prisco [00:44:23]:
Yeah.
Mary [00:44:23]:
Or whatever. Because you don't know better or you don't know what it's like to be around a woman this driven and this wealthy and this successful.
Eleanor Prisco [00:44:33]:
Yeah. And like, when it really comes down to it, the thing that I really want to point out, because I think it's deeply connected to, like, being called bossy, driven, you know, loud. Too much of this. Like, also, like, like not wanting the wealth or not wanting the money or not being about the money, like, because it's going to make us a bad person, quote, unquote, is like, truly ask yourself, when you look at a rich woman, what do you see? What do you think of her? Number one. And then, like, number two, what are the fears that come up for you when you consider yourself becoming a rich? Because I think that then, like, it starts to play also with, like, being a Bitch. And, like, there's, like. There's so many dynamics that, like, suddenly start, like, falling off of each other with this, and it's. Oh, my gosh, there's just so much.
Mary [00:45:22]:
We can keep going. So, I mean, I'm gonna let you go, but my last thing is, do, you know. Do you watch Ted Lasso? Yeah.
Eleanor Prisco [00:45:30]:
Yeah. Have you watched.
Mary [00:45:30]:
Okay. Rebecca on Ted Lasso? That's like. That's the vibe for me is, like, where she goes to. From. To where she ends. She is the rich, and she becomes the rich. Right. Like, and it's like, that dynamic of her.
Mary [00:45:48]:
Her story and her arc is like, I gotta do a whole podcast on her because I just think that she's where it's at in my point of view. But anyway, any last thoughts on that? Any last thoughts before we say goodbye?
Eleanor Prisco [00:46:04]:
Yeah, no, I just, like, I really want to invite people into, like, approaching the whole situation for more neutrality. Like, when it comes to money, when it comes to being demanding, when it comes to being bossy. Like, I think because immediately we try and, like, bypass, like, the challenges we potentially face, and just being like, okay, we just have to go positive. But it's like, let's just not bypass. Like, let's understand we're at, like, negative 10. And, like, let's get to zero and, like, just work towards zero of being, like, more neutral around. Oh, how do I think about money? Like, approaching it with more curiosity.
Mary [00:46:38]:
Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Versus I. I love the idea of money is neutral. It's a resource. It's a. It's just a resource.
Mary [00:46:47]:
It's not good or bad. It's the thing that you get to utilize to create a life.
Eleanor Prisco [00:46:53]:
Yeah. That you want. And, like, also, the other big thing I want to say is, like, remember, like, it's your money. You get to spend it however you want. Yeah. You get to do whatever you want with it. Like, it's. It's yours.
Eleanor Prisco [00:47:08]:
Like, everyone else's opinions throwing in here of, like, demanding that, like, you should shame and guilt yourself for X, Y, and Z. But, like, remember, it's your money. You get to choose what to do with it. Yeah, that's it.
Mary [00:47:21]:
Well, that is a great note to leave us on. So tell everybody how they can follow you and connect with you. We'll put all this stuff in the show notes.
Eleanor Prisco [00:47:29]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you can follow me on all the socials as Eleanor Priscoe. And then if you want a free money date guide, which isn't something I even talked about, which is so surprising. But if you want to know the fun, playful way strategy that I approach checking with finances, you can download my free money date guide. When you sign up for my email list, I'll share the link with you.
Mary [00:47:54]:
Give me the link. We'll put it in the. Yeah. In the show notes.
Eleanor Prisco [00:47:57]:
Yeah, Yeah.
Mary [00:47:59]:
I want that.
Eleanor Prisco [00:48:00]:
So perfect. So yeah, like just like the fun with it way of like how to start developing what we talked about that relationship, dating your money, like realizing that it's allowed to be this easeful, playful experience.
Mary [00:48:12]:
Yeah. Oh, I love it. Such a good conversation. I know I could talk about this all day. So thanks for staying a few extra minutes.
Eleanor Prisco [00:48:20]:
Absolutely. This was so good.
Mary [00:48:22]:
Okay, good, good, good. All right, well, thank you, thank you, thank you. And we'll definitely be doing another one.
Eleanor Prisco [00:48:28]:
I think so. I think it must happen. It must happen.
